Tuesday, December 29, 2009
In October I wrote a response to a question posted by one of my uncles about what the perfect day would be. Since he hadn't heard from me for a few years, I condensed much detail into two paragraphs:
I had lots of near-perfect days during undergrad (i.e. up until a year ago), when I was living in Lubbock. Like yours, this involved intense physical activity. Every day, I woke up at four to ride my bike around campus (Texas Tech) until the gym opened at five; I'd do the elliptical, lift weights, and read German, Latin, or Greek on a recumbent bike. Then I'd rip off my sweaty clothes and do twenty laps in the open-air pool, as the sun rose. Then I'd shower (no water bill- essential for the poor college kid) and go to class or work (work nixes the "perfect" of any day); sometimes, I would stop by the deli on campus, where I used to be a manager, for a complimentary burrito breakfast (free food- essential for the poor college kid). At any time I didn't have work or class, I would bike to the locally-owned coffee shop, where everyone knew me and I could always talk to the owner if I didn't feel like getting any work done. In the evening, if I felt bloated from having eaten out with friends, I would swim again, and I almost always rode the bike around campus for another hour again.At the moment, I am considering seriously selling everything I own and moving to a warmer, drier clime, if I am not accepted into another school this fall. Living someplace where it rains four or five days per week, where I have no car, is sehr unbueno.
A delightful consequence of such an active lifestyle, for a female, is that it can shut down the menstrual cycle for months; ergo, living life was utter bliss. Since moving to Lexington for grad school, I cannot be nearly as active: the dread menstrual cycle has returned, and with it, all woe and gloom.
Too much information?
Noted lack of involvement with children in this scenario, but that's mostly due to the fact that, unlike, oh, my own parents, I do not think it is best to raise children when one is an extremely distant person emotionally, and not financially stable besides.
Too long a message? Anyhow, I am glad you had a wonderful day, and wish you and the munchkins many more.
xoxo, The Lauree Child.
Labels: bicycle, burrito, children, coffee shop, day, friends, Lubbock, parents, rain, recumbent bike, swimming, Texas Tech, uncle
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 9:04 AM]
Gott ist ein Popstar
Saturday, October 24, 2009
I spent the past three days working on another project, entirely disregarding review of the material below. Over the next couple of days, I have tasked myself to pump out some thoughts on these topics. Schade, daß ich im Augenblick keine Gedanken darüber habe.
HIS 613/CLA 695, Fall 2009
Study Guide for Midterm Exam
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Below you will find 8 essay topics based on chapters 1-13 and the new introduction of Peter Brown, The Body and Society, chapter 3 of Hunter, Marriage, Celibacy, and Heresy, and the primary sources we have studied thus far. For the exam you will write on 3 of these topics; a limited choice will be given. I’ve also given a “bonus question” for extra credit.
1. A) In the new introduction to his book, Brown speaks about his task as a historian as one of “defamiliarizing” the past. What does this mean in regard to the subject matter of this book? B) Discuss an example from material covered thus far in class that has caused “defamiliarization” for you? C) What social theorists have most influenced Brown’s book, according to his own account? Give an example from some primary source material that illustrates this theoretical approach.
2. A) According to Brown, ch. 1 (“Body and City”), what were some of the social meanings attributed to the body and sexuality in Greco-Roman society? B) What were some common medical understandings of the body and sex in Greco-Roman antiquity? C) What does Brown mean by the term “benevolent dualism”? Please illustrate this concept with some material from the Coniugalia praecepta (Advice to the Bride and Groom) by Plutarch.
3. A) What were some of the main point made by the Apostle Paul regarding sex, marriage and celibacy in 1 Corinthians 7? B) How did Paul’s view compare with what we know of Jesus’ teaching or that of other Palestinian Jews (note that on p. 44 Brown says that Paul did not have much in common with Palestinian Judaism). C) What shifts are evident in the later New Testament documents that are usually considered Pseudo-Pauline (e.g., Ephesians 5, 1 Timothy, and Colossians)?
4. A) In ch. 3 Brown discusses the relation between prophecy and sexual continence in some Christian writings of the second and third centuries. What sort of examples does he give? B) Where do the writings of Tertullian stand on the question of prophecy and continence? C) Describe the development of Tertullian’s thought on marriage and remarriage, based on the three writings we discussed in class. What use does Tertullian make of Paul’s discussion in 1 Corinthians 7?
5. A) In the second and third centuries a powerful current of thought arises in Christianity that is often called “Encratism,” evident in the writings of Tatian and the Apocryphal Acts of the Apostles. What are the main themes of Encratite theology (see Brown, ch. 4 and Hunter, ch. 3). B) How did Tatian’s vision of sex and the human person differ from that of other “radicals,” such as Marcion? C) Clement of Alexandria’s Stromateis 3, was largely an attempt to refute Marcion and the Encratites. What are some of the arguments used by Clement? What earlier traditions does Clement’s thought most resemble?
6. In the third century Origen and Methodius were two significant Eastern Christian writers who were both strongly influenced by Platonic philosophy. A) Sketch the main features of Origen’s theological system and show its impact on his thinking about the body and sexuality. B) Do the same for Methodius. C) What are the main differences between the thought of Origen and Methodius on these topics?
7. A) The opening word of Cyprian’s treatise De habitu virginum (both in the Latin original and in our English translation) is disciplina or “discipline.” What does Brown say about this idea that sheds light on the purpose of De habitu virginum? B) What does Cyprian’s book tell us about the new place of consecrated virgins in the third-century Church and about the bishop’s role in directing them? (Brown’s ch. 7 may be helpful here.) C) Do you think Cyprian’s views are “misogynistic”? Why or why not?
8. A) According to Brown, ch. 11, what was the aim of ascetic practices among the monks in the Egyptian desert tradition? B) What do you think Brown means when he says (p. 230) that sexuality in the monastic tradition became “an ideogram of the unopened heart”? C) Using Cassian, Conference 12 (“On Chastity”), discuss how Cassian’s teaching could be seen as an illustration of Brown’s idea of the sexual desire as an “ideogram” of the heart.
BONUS QUESTION (optional)
Using one of the 3 articles I distributed on Gregory of Nyssa’s Life of Macrina, explain what insights the author contributed to your reading of Gregory’s book.
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 6:25 PM]
I Have Been Tasked To Translate Forty Pages (One Chapter) From A Book...
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
...von Deutsch to English. With the exception of Biblical quotes and citations from other persons, translating this text has been straightforward relatively. The following is an example of the book's author quoting someone else (Petrus Damiani, an apparently inflammatory fellow):
Und nicht ohne Schadenfreude fährt er fort: "Ich habe mich neulich mit einigen Bischöfen unterhalten. Dabei wollte ich ihren heiligen Oberschenkeln einen Riegel vorschieben. Ich versuchte, den Genitalien der Priester sozusagen Keuschheitsschnallen anzupassen." Da nicht wenige Priester erst nach der Weihe geheiratet haben, belehrte sie der Mönch, ihre Ehen seien ungültig und ihre Ehefrauen deshalb nichts als Konkubinen oder Huren.
I want to render "belehrte sie der Mönch" as "the monk schooled them", but "taught", "instructed", "informed", or "advised" are the more appropriately sedate options.
Labels: Bible, bishops, books, chastity belts, citations, concubines, genitalia, German, holiness, matrimony, monk, Petrus Damiani, priests, quotes, Schadenfreude, thighs, whores
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 5:39 PM]
A Lauree Tale
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I have considered compiling all my anecdotes onto business cards, which I can wordlessly hand out as I meet people, or keep as party favors. And if I have already told someone a particular story, I can avoid wasting my breath or wearing down the other person's time and patience with something that they diligently memorized the first time upon hearing it, because it naturally was hilarious the first time around.
Sample One:
Once, when I was dressed up as Cha!Cha! the tree frog (working at Rainforest Cafe during high school), I socked a junior high kid and screamed, "I'm gonna fucking call security!" at him as he and his hoodlum friends ran away after having spun me around as I stood greeting guests at the front of the store (I couldn't chase after them, for my feet were too big, even though I only had three toes), thus forcing me to break the rules that giant, bipedalling animal characters do not assault people, nor do they speak- ever.
Labels: anecdote, animals, assault, business cards, frogs, kids, Rainforest Cafe, regular people, rules, speaking, working
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 7:37 PM]
Lauree Bats 32% With The BBC
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up? Instructions: Copy this into your NOTE...S. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read. Tag other book nerds...
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen - X
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien -
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte –
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling -
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee - X
6 The Bible-
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte -
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell - X
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman -
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens-X
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott -
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy- X
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller -X
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare-
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier -
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien - X
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk -
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger - X
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger-
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot -
21 Gone With The Wind -
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald -X
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens -
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy -
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams –
26 The Scarlett Letter- Nathaniel Hawthorne- X
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky -X
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck -X
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll-
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame-
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy -
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens-
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis -
34 Emma-Jane Austen-
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen -
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis - X
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini -
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres -
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden- X
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne – X
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell - X
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown -
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez - X
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving-
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins -
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery- X
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy -
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood -
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding - X
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan-
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel-
52 Dune - Frank Herbert-
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons-
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen-
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth -
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon -
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens - X
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley -X
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon-
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez -X
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck – X
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov-
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt -
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold -
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas-
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac - X
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy -
68 Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding-
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie -
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville -
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens- X
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker-
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett - X
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson -
75 Ulysses - James Joyce-
76 The Inferno – Dante-
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome -
78 Germinal - Emile Zola -
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray-
80 Possession - AS Byatt –
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens –X
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell -
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker- X
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro -
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert -
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry -
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White - X
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom –
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle-
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton-
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad -X
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery -
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams-
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole -
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas-
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare- X
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl- X
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo-
Labels: Alice Walker, BBC, books, Charles Dickens, CS Lewis, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, George Orwell, Harper Lee, James Joyce, Jane Austen, quiz, Shakespeare, Thomas Hardy, Winnie the Pooh
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 6:26 PM]
Purgings, Part II
Monday, August 10, 2009
Caesar: The Civil War
Tess of the D'Urbervilles
Tales From Ovid
The Autobiography of Malcolm X as told to Alex Haley
The Dark Tower IV: Wizard and Glass
Old Christmas
The Catcher in the Rye
It
The Erotic Poems
The Iliad
Pieces of My Mind
Byron's Poetry
The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
The Complete Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm
Flappers and Philosophers
The History of Sexuality
Selected Poems
Collected Poems
Over to You
Breakfast at Tiffany's
The Stranger
The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays
Outrage: The Five Reasons Why O. J. Simpson Got Away With Murder
Naked Lunch
Selected Poems
Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders
The Stand
The Castle in the Attic
Candide
The History of the Peloponnesian War
The Complete Plays of Sophocles
Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch
The Oresteian Trilogy
Four Plays by Aristophanes
The Consolation of Philosophy
Labels: Albert Camus, Andy Rooney, books, bookshelf, Homer, J. D. Salinger, Julius Caesar, Malcolm X, Michel Foucault, Ovid, Roald Dahl, Stephen King, Thomas Hardy, Washington Irving
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 5:46 AM]
Hollywood Cannot Be Found In Any One Place
Sunday, August 02, 2009
This morning I thought I needed to sell my books, not so much because I thought I needed to sell my books as because selling books is what other people do when they need to clear space or make emergency cash appear. The former at the moment presents less urgency than the latter, though in perusing my shelves for titles I could abandon I forgot entirely any original purpose, as I got lost flipping through the things I had read some years ago and, in certain cases, had not opened since.
I pulled out What's The Matter With Kansas?, which I read freshman year of college after the author appeared on The Daily Show, when the show was relatively mild and Jon Stewart was slightly less jaded with life. Most of what the author wrote in 2004 applied to politics five years before and applies five years after, a snippet following a quote of one of Ann Coulter's windblast comments being illustrative:
Coulter instantiates this thesis about the rich not by opening a copy of Fortune or Cigar Aficionado but by turning to what's on TV. See, there's all sorts of filth, put there by liberals. We know the liberal elite hate the common people because of what we see on the TV, what we read in highbrow modern fiction, all of which can be laid at the doorstep of liberalism. On the other hand, we know that the GOP is the true party of the workers, since the hard-guy Republican Tom DeLay is "more likely to have a beer with a trucker" than the wealthy senator Barbara Boxer of California. We know it because the two social possibilities of American life are mimicking the liberal "beautiful people" of Hollywood or embracing "the working-class hillbillies who go to NASCAR races," that favorite litmus test of the populist right.(Frank, Thomas. What's the Matter With Kansas? How Conservatives Won the Heart of America, Metropolitan Books, New York, 2004. pgs. 117-118)
Apparently, there is no bad economic turn a conservative cannot do unto his buddy in the working class, as long as cultural solidarity has been cemented over a beer.
Why should I sell that? "Frank" is parked between "Foucault" and "Freud", who are succeeded by "Gaiman", "Gibbon", and "Gide". I decided to part with one of two copies of Hardy's Tess of the D'Urbervilles, but then:
It is Sunday; ergo, the bookstore is closed. Schade.
Labels: Ann Coulter, beer, books, bookshelf, economics, hillbillies, Jon Stewart, Kansas, liberalism, NASCAR, politics, quotes, television, The Daily Show, Thomas Frank, Tom DeLay, working-class
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 7:11 AM]
My Life According to Eisbrecher
Friday, July 31, 2009
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people and include me. You can't use the artist I used. Try not to repeat a song title. Re-post as "my life according to ( artist name )".
I love how my results make it obvious that when I'm alone at night, I cut myself and weep.
Pick your Artist:
Eisbrecher
Are you a Male or a Female:
Schwartze Witwe
Describe Yourself:
Taub-Stumm-Blind
How do you feel:
Kein Mitleid
Describe where you currently live:
1000 Flammen
If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Zu sterben
Your Favorite form of Transportation:
Freisturz
Your Best Friend:
Mein Blut
What's the weather like:
Eiskalt Erwischt
If your life were a TV show, what would it be called:
Willkommen im Nichts
Your last relationship:
Das Ende
Your fear:
Angst?
Thought of the Day:
Verdammt sind
My soul's present condition:
Mein Herz Steht Still
My motto:
Vergissmeinnicht
Labels: Eisbrecher, Facebook, German, life, music, quiz, songs, tagging
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 12:53 PM]
Three Strikes
Thursday, July 23, 2009
You've been tagged. You are supposed to write a note with the 4's of YOU. I changed the number from 3, so that you can waste exponentially more time of your life completing this than you would have originally. At the end, choose 20 people to be tagged. You have to tag me. If I tagged you, it's because I want to divert you from anything more important you might be doing instead.
(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 4's of Me, tag 20 people - in the right hand corner of the app - then click publish.)
Four names I go by:
1. Lauree Frances, or just Frances
2. Kadackis (pet name from father)
3. Lauree-Poo (pet name from maternal grandfather)
4. Loquatious (pet name from paternal grandfather)
Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. baker
2. Latin instructor
3. knife seller
4. fitting room attendant
Four Dream Jobs:
1. the writer for a graphic comic series, written in Germisch, which combines Friedrich Nietzsche and Winnie-the-Pooh into one character, Nietzsche-Pu, der ist so ein Bär, der kein Verstand hat
2. the surly operator of a scary carnival ride that periodically breaks down
3. baker-Latin instructor-knife seller-fitting room attendant
4. the editor of "Good Housekeeping"
Four Places I Have lived:
1. Katy, Texas
2. St. Louis, Missouri
3. Lubbock, Texas
4. Lexington, Kentucky
Four Favorite Drinks:
1. unsweetened iced tea
2. chocolate milk
3. orange lemonade
4. mocha-flavoured frappuccino with many squirts of orange syrup
Four TV shows that I (used to) watch:
1. This Old House
2. Are You Being Served?
3. Married... With Children
4. Where In The World Is Carmen San Diego?
Four places I have been:
1. The Alamo
2. The house where Abe Lincoln died
3. The Gateway Arch
4. Ft. Walton (Sugar) Beach, Florida
Four people who text me regularly (actually, no one does, because most people know I would kill them):
1. Luci
2. George
3. Kevin
4. Bianca
Four of my favorite dishes:
1. barbequed pulled-pork on anything or by itself
2. mushroom-and-cheese omelettes
3. veal with marinara sauce
4. tuna salad over spinach leaves
Four friends I think will respond:
1. Cheri Grissom
2. Lindsay Sullivan
3. Michael Merrill
4. Sharada Price
Four things I am looking forward to:
1. landing on the cover of the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated
2. revenge
3. taking down the killer squirrels
4. donating my brain for purposes of scientific research
Four Wishes (selfish):
1. that I were independently wealthy
2. that I were independently healthy
3. that I were blissfully unaware of how people violate English rules of the subjunctive
4. that I were not stranded in some random city where I have no friends or connections, after having come there for school and subsequently been dumped from department funding after a few months, which forced me to quit the program
Four Wishes (unselfish):
1. that any kindnesses I could show were worth half as much as those which have been done for me
2. that people would realize altruism does not exist
3. that all cancers and pandemics carried on the winds were eradicated
4. that my little brother, Eddie, find Blackie, the Beanie Baby bear he carried everywhere as a child and has now lost
Four beautiful things:
1. the rosy hue of the light of the setting sun as it passes through the smog surrounding Houston's skyline
2. illuminated manuscripts
3. clear water rippling over rocks in a river bed
4. my ankles
Four favourite flowers:
1. the skunk in Disney's "Bambi"
2. the butter cup of which Gene Wilder takes a bite in "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"
3. poppies
4. day lilies
Four things I'd like to own that I never have:
1. the rights to the songs Paul McCartney gave Michael Jackson
2. an ostrich farm
3. a hearse
4. my body, which gets dragged into all kinds of things entirely against my will
Four things I do to procrastinate:
1. curl fetal position on my bed with Kermit the Frog clutched to my chest
2. stare into the mirror as I get ready to go somewhere, zoned out with scripting scenes in which I respond soundly and satisfactorily to all the people, situations, and events which have hurt me or been otherwise disastrous
3. read books or articles about topics entirely unrelated to the subjects I should be learning for school or career purposes
4. scrub things
Labels: Facebook, friends, jobs, list, names, procrastination, quiz, television
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 6:42 PM]
Twenty-One People Meme
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Go through your wall posts and list the last 21 people to post on your wall or comment on your status. Do not list any repeats; simply go to the next name in the list. Then answer the 42 questions pertaining to the 21 names. When you're finished, tag all 21 people on the list, so the cycle can continue. If you've been tagged, copy and paste this information into a new note and follow the directions above.
Note from Lauree: I ignored the above directions, and changed most of the questions.
1 Kristen Raines
2 Bhavin Shah
3 Will Crawford
4 Nick Zammito
5 Anne Gepford
6 Josh Skrobarczyk
7 Sarah Magri
8 A. J. Montes
9 Alicia Freitag
10 Elizabeth Barnes
11 Jen Abraham
12 Rachel Myers
13 Tomas Berdoza
14 Andee Allen
15 Ryan Gallagher
16 Brian Griffey
17 Chris Russell
18 Gilbert Jones
19 Keilah Thompson
20 Kristin Slavin
21 Monet Harkin
1. How did you meet 1? I cannot remember the very first time we met; I saw her around often sophomore year of college, because she was a CA in one of the dorms.
2. What Disney princess would 14 be? Aurora, because I imagine their singing voices are similar.
3. What would your life be like if you had never met 20? I would have thought all architecture students are zombies.
4. Would 8 smoke a joint? ...probably.
5. Would 3 and 13 make a good couple? They might; they both like doing activities out of doors.
6. Describe 9. She is the older sister of a girl I met in college German classes; she is fun to converse with.
7. Could 16 hold on if shot from a cannon? Probably not; he'd be too trashed.
8. Do you think 6 is attractive? I haven't seen him in the flesh since high school, but he was good-looking then.
9. What was the last occasion you had to speak with 19? Facebook-chatting several months ago.
10. Would you go skinny dipping with 15? Only if it were in a public place.
11. Where does 10 live? Currently, Vienna, but her hometown is Lubbock, Texas.
12. What is the best thing about 21? That she and I got along immediately, without seeming to have much in common.
13. What would you like to tell 18 right now? That I am intensely jealous but also glad that he has been in Europe doing research.
14. Where did you meet 7? The Creative Writing Club in high school.
15. What aquatic creature is 15? A dolphin!
16. What's the best memory you have of 13? Shooting the shit about non-academic things during lunch freshman and sophomore year at college.
17. When's the next time you're going to see 12? I have no idea; perhaps if she gets married, or if I join the circus and travel to California.
19. What was your first impression of 4? That he was a stinky-puss grouchy face.
20. What would happen in a fight between 13 and your best friend? My best friend would go down at the first hit.
21. Is 16 more like Donald Duck or Daffy Duck? Donald.
22. When was the last time you saw 14? The Katy High School Speech and Debate end-of-year banquet at Bennigan's in May 2003.
23. What, if given the opportunity, would you steal from 21's house? A pair of her shoes.
24. When is the next time you'll see 10? Hopefully this summer, if I round up the funds to visit Lubbock.
25. Are you really close to 1? No, but we're still really friendly.
26. How would you and 20 take over the world? Handheld firearms.
27. Have you ever been to 17's house? Nope.
28. Is 5 more like Lucy or Ricky? She'd probably be the Ricky in a relationship.
29. Describe the relationship between 14 and 19. They both have naturally pretty faces, without having to wear make-up to go out.
30. What's your friendship like with 5? We both like to talk, especially about the long wait for school to end.
31. Does 18 know a foreign language? He speaks at least two and probably reads more.
32. How do you know 21? We both took a required business communications course a year and-a-half ago.
33. Does 2 wear boxers or briefs? Though I have never been in a position to confirm, I suspect he wears boxers.
34. Have you ever wanted to sock 4 in the neck? It's softer than his head.
35. Could 11 date your sister? Probably not; I discern a clash or two.
36. Have you traveled anywhere with 12? No long distances, although she did pick me up to take me to my apartment once on a rainy afternoon.
37. If you gave 3 $100, what would they do with it? Put it toward rent, or maybe a bike accessory.
38. What's your best memory of 2? Being calm while everyone else at work partook in work-related drama.
39. What is the one thing you most want 8 to know? That I was impressed by his story about holding out in one room for days with no sleep.
40. What was the last thing you did with 16? Chatted with him at a friend's party.
41. When did you meet 20? We worked together in 2006 at Texas Tech.
42. What do you wish for 6? All the best with his documentary.
Labels: directions, Facebook, friends, list, meme, quiz
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 2:39 PM]
Die Verschwörung
Friday, January 30, 2009
Only a person without a soul would pass this crap along. Naturally, I've tagged as many people as possible. Think of this, o dear "friends", more as being "stabbed".
What does your music library say about you?
--------------------------
1. Put Your iTunes on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write down the name of the song no matter how silly it sounds!
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Tag at least 10 friends
--------------------------
What do your friends think of you?
Zeichen der Venus
[Probably not so much.]
If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
Etwas Geld
[I am a mooch.]
How would you describe yourself?
The Small House of Uncle Thomas
[I am emancipated.]
What do you like in a guy/girl?
Shadowboxer
How do you feel today?
Breathtaker
What is your life’s purpose?
Sentimental Journey
What is your motto?
I've Got You Under My Skin
What do you think about very often?
Die durch die Hölle gehen
[Das Leben ist mir die Hölle.]
What is 2 + 2?
Liebe Mich Leben
What do you think of your best friend?
The Letter
What do you think of the person you like?
It's Only A Paper Moon
What is your life story?
Bock Bier Polka
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Vdol' pa ulitse (A Snowstorm Blows)
What do you think of when you see the person you like?
We're Off To See The Wizard (Duo)
What will you dance to at your wedding?
Wie Tief
What will they play at your funeral?
Let The Planets Burn
What is your hobby/interest?
Fikk Dich Mit Fire
What is your biggest fear?
Stress Pill
What is your biggest secret?
War
What do you think of your friends?
Im Inneren Der Stadt
What will you post this as?
Die Verschwörung
This is representative of the music I work out to: German metal and Ella Fitzgerald, with other stuff sprinkled in. If you had my metabolism, you'd be moody all the time, too.
Labels: Facebook, friends, German, iTunes, list, songs
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 1:07 PM]
Ten Traumatizations
Monday, January 26, 2009
Since my goals are worthless, I decided to put a twist on this tagging-of-one's-friends trend: I am only tagging people I have ostensibly Facebook befriended, but whom I actually despise. I hold my friends close, but my enemies closer. And rather than life goals or fun facts, I am posting a much-abridged list of the things that account for the more bizarre aspects of my personality development. If you've been tagged (think of it more as "jabbed"), you have to come up with your own list of sorrows, traumatizations, and unhappy memories.
1. When I was five or six, I wrote on some bureaucratic form or other, under "Race:", that I was "apricot" (this being the only crayon in the box that appoximated any part of my flesh). The teacher told me that was wrong, and that I am "white".
2. At some point in elementary school, I was told that the British spelling of any English word is incorrect. So I make it a point to write "flavour", "colour", and "storey" in all formal compositions.
3. I cannot rollerblade, because when we were little, my mother wouldn't let my siblings or me own rollerblades. We could have fallen and cracked our skulls open. The same reason accounts for why I have never attempted to skateboard, shoot a gun, climb trees, scuba dive, or have sex. I'd fall and crack my skull open.
4. One morning in junior high, I refused to attend church anymore. My dad threatened to beat me if I didn't go, so I locked myself in the master bathroom until it was safe to emerge. Now, whenever someone suggests taking me to a religious function, my heart rate increases, and I feel the need to urinate.
5. I never used to talk to people, because I could not come up with anything to discuss that wasn't vain. Now I simply proffer the most shallow of matters at the beginning of all conversations, to be rid of that anxiety. Sometimes the problem arises therefrom, of people trying to fill my vacuous mind with their bullshit. No matter. It all leaks out my ears eventually.
6. I spend so much time discussing all the things I would like to do that I wind up doing nothing but complaining about not getting to do all of the things I seem not to have time to do.
7. I did not ride off merrily down the street the very first time someone (my grandma) tried teaching me how to ride a bicycle (my older sister and a couple of cousins were there taunting me), so I quit trying, not teaching myself until I was about ten. Since my parents didn't let me cross the street until I was fifteen, I rarely rode a bike until college. Even after the regular use of a bicycle for about three years, I still feel nervous riding them (and I imagine everyone laughs inwardly if not outwardly at me as I pedal by, because I must look goofy).
8. When I was six or seven and she eight or nine, my older sister announced to everyone in her class at lunch or at the playground one afternoon that I was a bedwetter. Someday I am going to kill her.
9. I took clarinet in band in sixth grade, using the one my mom had used from elementary school onward. After she died (when I was thirteen), I kept the clarinet, even though I stopped playing. Every time I look at the dusty green case, which I always shove in some corner of the room I occupy, I think about all the things I could have been, but am not and never will be.
10. I did not cry when Bambi's mother died.
Labels: anxiety, bathrom, beating, bedwetting, clarinet, death, Facebook, father, friends, mother, sorrow, tagging, trauma
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 8:06 PM]
Pawning The Guitar
Monday, January 05, 2009
Last night I felt like a pile of sludge, so after working out briefly this morning I spent a couple of hours cleaning like a mad housewife. It seems counter-intuitive that scrubbing stray hairs from behind a toilet should make me feel better about life; they could gather together into a massive brown tumbleweed, for all I really care. I only dislike the idea of having to push aside a hair forest every time I make water.
Pars prima of my errand-running for the afternoon consists in purging myself of a few books that I do not particularly need. The list:
Elie Wiesel- NightMost of these I read in high school and have clung to for little reason, other than especially liking them. But let some other kid read them fo' cheaps. I had two copies of Tess, which is probably unnecessary.
Harper Lee- To Kill A Mockingbird
Lord Byron- Byron's Poetry
Barbara Ehrenreich- Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America
Thomas Keneally- A River Town
Elizabeth Winthrop- The Castle in the Attic
Jerry Spinelli- Maniac Magee
F. Scott Fitzgerald- Flappers and Philosophers
Robert Cormier- Tenderness
Thomas Hardy- Tess of the d'Urbervilles
Anzia Yezierska- Bread Givers
Thomas Keneally- Schindler's List
My housemate has mentioned I may have his old bike, which needs tire replacements; if this does not prove costly, I will wheel it down to the shop (pars secunda).
Labels: bicycle, books, Byron, Elie Wiesel, errands, hair, Maniac Magee, Nickel and Dimed, Thomas Hardy, Thomas Keneally, To Kill a Mockingbird, toilets, working out
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 10:43 AM]
A Wife Is For One Who Is Too Scared To Sleep Alone At Night
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I graded the final exams yesterday, input grades, and posted them. Two people failed (although by the University scale, they made D grades). Both students missed too many classes to catch up fully; the male buckled down toward the end and made good grades, but the female continued to miss class. Grade distribution was as expected: mostly As, a couple of Bs, and a couple of Cs.
The last five final exam questions were fill-in-the-blank about mythology. Last question: Actaeon came upon Artemis _________________ in a spring. One person wrote, "fornicating" and another wrote, "making love".
"The virgin goddess!" I exclaimed in the TA office. I was then gently reminded about sexual relations among females, which turned into a hunt for the lexicography of τριβησ. Nevertheless, I counted the above answers incorrect, considering neither student would have made an argumentum e silentio if called upon to defend.
Labels: Actaeon, Artemis, final exams, fornication, grading, lexicography, making love, mythology, office, students, teaching, virgin goddess
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 3:21 AM]
saepe ambulabam cum luna erat clara
Tuesday, December 02, 2008
Since in the past two weeks, when we were supposed to have been meeting consistently thrice per week, we had only met once, and this week I will have to cancel at least two sessions, yesterday I sent the young man whom I am supposed to be tutoring classical Greek a regretful e-mail permanently suspending our arrangements. He hardly needs my guidance; when I asked him to explain the dative of respect, for instance, he articulated the concept better than I could have. He just needs self-motivation and discipline to develop a more consistent study routine, which is, of course, ultimately something I cannot do for him.
On that note, I have become friendly with Latin grammars lately, since I never look anything up and have relied almost solely on trying to understand things from context. Now I think I know how to use a gerund. fortasse.
Labels: dative case, gerund, grammar, Greek, Latin, routine, teaching
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 3:55 AM]
Lesen Sie Mal
Friday, November 28, 2008
Unless memory fails, there exists not a single family photograph of my parents embracing each other with any degree of positive emotion. I could be incorrect; maybe one of my aunts has photographs about which I am unaware, but from what I recollect out of our photo albums, for any photograph involving both parents, they are standing apart (huge family gathering) or side-by-side, but not acknowledging each other. Pictures of myself with any of my four siblings also convey distant attitudes. We might be touching, and there might be smiles, but someone is getting pinched.
I was viewing various Thanksgiving Day 2008 photographs friends have already posted, and for all of them, I sensed something odd. Hugging, I finally realized, my friend's parents are hugging. This is what people who like each other a lot do. A thirty-minute voyeuristic search for happiness ensued. I shook my laptop upside-down in the air a few times, thinking love would fall out of it, but, as usual, the only feeling the computer emits for me to seize upon is frustration.
Labels: aunt, family, friends, frustration, happiness, hugging, laptop, love, parents, photographs, pinching, siblings, Thanksgiving
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 3:46 AM]
Less Than A Month Until I Am Rid Of My Little Effer
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Although the annual, official celebration of toilets occurred earlier this week, now seems the best time to reflect on how drastically different life would be had I never sat upon or viewed one, for after what I ate for dinner this evening, tomorrow will be a day spent intimately with that which receives the feasts of my bowels.
The non-existence of such receptacles as toilets would necessarily have precluded the existence of my neurotic fear that an over-sized spider will crawl out of one, bite a chunk out of my ass, and bring about an agonizing and premature, though somewhat comic, death. I saw Arachnephobia when I was six or seven, and never since have I failed to check under, over, around, down, into, and through for spiders or other potential death-causing beasts.
Were the world bereft of toilets, I would not be as well-versed in English poetry, for the toilet has been where I tend to read such material: poetry differs in density, as does a cheeseburger or a blueberry that has passed through my digestive system. With a poetry anthology, therefore, one may consume it in one sitting, or interrupt it and return later without completely severing the flow of thoughts required for reading the entire text. Prose literature-reading on the toilet hardly ever works.
To discuss this further would be to digress farther from the task of gathering research material for a paper I am supposed to have been writing all semester.
Labels: anxiety, Arachnephobia, beasts, bowels, death, digestion, dinner, literature, poetry, research, spiders, thinking, toilets
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 4:47 PM]
I Woke Up This Morning, And My Penis Was Missing
Sunday, November 02, 2008
Ich habe diesem morgen aufgewacht, um zu finden, daß ich eine geschlagene Stunde mehr haben. Ich soll meine Uhr stellen.
Jetzt kann ich weiter den Iliad lesen, die Werke Juvenals weiter bilden und ins Papier beschreiben, einen Netflix-Film ansehen, den Penthesilea Kleists weiter lesen... aber vielleicht werde ich nichts machen.
de latineque graece studiosa sum, sed non satis. linguae declinationum sunt difficiles. meh.
With the unwritten paper concerning the hundreds of manuscripts of Juvenal floating around, for which I have conducted not nearly enough fruitful research, looming over me in an almost physical sense, I took about three hours of this afternoon (mentally discounting one of them) to work out and swim at the student recreation center. The past two days I haven't moved much, reading and taking notes on points of Latin grammar for which my knowledge and comprehension are wanting. Swimming about fifteen (I did not count them) Olympic laps improves the posture.
Beforehand I listened to The Wizard of Oz soundtrack on an elliptical machine, then read the next two acts in Kleist's Penthesilea on a recumbent bike. I had forgotten how well such a combination helps me focus; after having exercised this way for three years, my body usually doesn't become too worn out, especially since I no longer work at a forty-hour week job that requires I stand on my feet six or eight hours straight. Granted, thinking rationally still comes with difficulty, but now it at least comes occasionally. Freshman and sophomore year I almost never dreamt.
Labels: dreaming, German, grammar, Greek, Heinrich von Kleist, Juvenal, Latin, manuscripts, Netflix, Penthesileia, research, routine, swimming, The Iliad, The Wizard of Oz, thinking, working out
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 1:29 PM]
Uh-Oh Spaghettio
Friday, October 31, 2008
I do not celebrate Halloween, but I bought a couple of bags of candy in the unlikely event some little monsters might darken my door. Being sent away empty-handed, these hoodlums might have returned loaded with flaming pies to hurl on my porch. The night has passed without incident, and with only two high-school girls (in UK sweaters: "We dressed as college students") stopping by the entire evening. This leaves a bowl full of Snickers and Hershey's minis to be consumed. Am morgen I'll dump it on the neighbor's lawn, for those little munchkins to devour.
I do not like children.
Labels: candy, children, Halloween, Hershey's minis, neighbors, porch, Snickers, students
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 8:19 PM]
It Could All Go Up In Flames
Saturday, October 25, 2008
The space-heater in my bedroom must not be situated within three feet of anything, particularly, anything inflammable. Upon survey of my room, one discerns first the futon mattress on the floor. Next one may note the disassembled, wooden futon frame stacked to one side below the windows looking out onto nothing but the ivy that covers the side of the house. To the right, behind the space heater, stands a near-ceiling-high wooden bookshelf, containing at least two hundred books. On the floor, to one side, binders, documents, and more books (mostly dictionaries and writing supplements) rest neatly, if undecorously. On the mattress are piled six stacks of books and notebooks relating to my graduate classes and the section of beginning Latin I teach. If I shift heavily in sleep, these will bury me. If the space heater sets them alight, they will bury me in flames.
I spent the day reading about medieval archaeology and prosopography. At midday I broke off on a walk to the student recreation center, to read the first act of Kleist's Penthesileia on a recumbent bike, and then to swim about twenty laps. All this conducted in blissful solitude.
I do not like anyone.
Labels: archaeology, bedroom, books, bookshelf, flames, futon, Heinrich von Kleist, ivy, Latin, Penthesileia, prosopography, recumbent bike, sleep, solitude, space heater, student recreation, swimming
[Lauree Frances Keith concluded this diatribe at 5:22 PM]